Technical Support

Dear Bianca,

Oh Bianca, I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry that you have to sit in front of a phone all night and answer support calls from people like me who hate the fact that you can spend two hours on the phone and on the Internet trying to figure out a simple problem that NO ONE will help you with for less than $39.95.

I know that you have a very specific script to work with, and that you are essentially made to be the “human” equivalent to a computerized phone system. If a problem is not in your script, your only recourse is to say, “Pony up, bitch. You want answers, it’ll cost you $39.95.” Or, “I would love to register your complaint, but that will cost you $39.95.” Thanks, Bianca. But really. No.

I’m sorry I hung up on you. I’ve worked enough customer service jobs to know that it sucks getting yelled at when all you’re doing is your job. I’m sorry that you feel you need to work a job like that. I’m sorry that ANYONE ever has to work a job like that. I’m sorry that the technical support world has become so user-UNfriendly that I probably was not the first person to hang up on you tonight. I noticed that hint of exasperation in your voice. I knew that I was pressing your buttons and that it would get nowhere. That is, in part, why I hung up on you. I didn’t want it to get any uglier than it already was.

It will probably come as no surprise to you that I am an idiot and I managed to solve the problem on my own. You know what it was? The icon size on my screen was set too high and the button I was looking for was hidden because of it. Once I made the icons smaller, I had no problem whatsoever. It took me two and a half hours to figure that out. It’s OK. You can laugh at me. Call me a friggin’ idiot.

In any case, I apologize. If you ever decide you’ve had enough, please tell your boss to go fuck himself and come meet me for a drink. I bet you could probably use a few good shots of tequila, and I know that I owe you one. We can commiserate having to deal with the corporate bullshit that is the American tech support network.

Yours in technical frustration,
The Caitlinator


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