Technical Support

Dear Bianca,

Oh Bianca, I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry that you have to sit in front of a phone all night and answer support calls from people like me who hate the fact that you can spend two hours on the phone and on the Internet trying to figure out a simple problem that NO ONE will help you with for less than $39.95.

I know that you have a very specific script to work with, and that you are essentially made to be the “human” equivalent to a computerized phone system. If a problem is not in your script, your only recourse is to say, “Pony up, bitch. You want answers, it’ll cost you $39.95.” Or, “I would love to register your complaint, but that will cost you $39.95.” Thanks, Bianca. But really. No.

I’m sorry I hung up on you. I’ve worked enough customer service jobs to know that it sucks getting yelled at when all you’re doing is your job. I’m sorry that you feel you need to work a job like that. I’m sorry that ANYONE ever has to work a job like that. I’m sorry that the technical support world has become so user-UNfriendly that I probably was not the first person to hang up on you tonight. I noticed that hint of exasperation in your voice. I knew that I was pressing your buttons and that it would get nowhere. That is, in part, why I hung up on you. I didn’t want it to get any uglier than it already was.

It will probably come as no surprise to you that I am an idiot and I managed to solve the problem on my own. You know what it was? The icon size on my screen was set too high and the button I was looking for was hidden because of it. Once I made the icons smaller, I had no problem whatsoever. It took me two and a half hours to figure that out. It’s OK. You can laugh at me. Call me a friggin’ idiot.

In any case, I apologize. If you ever decide you’ve had enough, please tell your boss to go fuck himself and come meet me for a drink. I bet you could probably use a few good shots of tequila, and I know that I owe you one. We can commiserate having to deal with the corporate bullshit that is the American tech support network.

Yours in technical frustration,
The Caitlinator


6 responses to “Technical Support

  • AnnieElf

    I soooooo know the feeling. I was kavetching about bad customer service a few days ago on MY blog. How good of you to write such a thorough mea culpa. She may never see it but I bet it made you feel much better.

  • Karen

    I know exactly where you’re coming from, but my technical support is usually my husband so we have different issues.

    On a different note, in your letter I wondered why you were rubbing it in Bianca’s face by asking her to tell her boss to meet you for a drink. Then I reread the sentence the way you meant it.

  • the Caitlinator

    Ah yes, Karen, I can see how you read that. Oops. I definitely do NOT want to meet her boss for a drink. I hate her boss. And I hope she does too.

  • toadman

    You could have called me and saved yoru money….well, be honest, you would have had to pay me in fancy imported beer.

  • toadman

    sorry .. saved “your” money. I’m not sure who yoru is.. I think he was a musician who worked with Yanni…or maybe he was at Scott’s orgy last night.. I’m not sure..

  • the Caitlinator

    Dude, Scott had an orgy last night? And I MISSED IT? Apparently my invitation was lost in the mail.

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