Addiction

I hardly know you. But I miss you. I am not sure you know to what extent your self-proclaimed addictions are hurting you. To be honest, I’m not sure I know, either.

I know that you talk about online gaming with a passion I’ve not seen in you for a very long time. I know that you like the idea of others looking to you for leadership in the game. I know you have ideas and dreams of designing games like these yourself, and I know that if you did it, you would thrive at it.

I also know that the game sucks you in to the point that nothing else seems important. I know that you owe money to lots of people whom you cannot pay, because you are unemployed. I know that finding gainful employment is not a priority for you, even though you haven’t had any income for months. I know that you fight with people who love you because they don’t understand your need to play. (Is that the reason? I don’t know, since we hardly ever speak. I can only guess.)

I see your talent, your natural tendency towards leadership, your vision for design, your sheer intelligence, and it makes me crazy. I will never be as smart as you, and I will never have the artistic eye you have, and I’m afraid you’ll never get around to using those skills that I envy. I am worried that the gaming will always get in your way.

What can I do but step back? I don’t think you’re really ready to admit that you’ve been defeated by this game. I think you love it too much.

I love you too much to do or say anything more. I will always be here for you, little brother, should you find you ever need my help. And I will always love you, no matter how far away I may seem to be. You should never ever have to feel that you are alone, because I am in your corner. I hope someday you see it, and that we can be friends.

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2 responses to “Addiction

  • Kiki

    Sorry, this is unrelated…just wanted to give you a heads up since I deleted my blog…I made a new one it’s
    revolving-girl.blogspot.com

    Keep truckin’

  • Karen

    At first I thought you were talking about someone with an online gambling problem (you know, gambling = gaming?). Now that I know what you are really talking about, it’s much worse. Why? Because very few people recognize it for the problem it is (both people who can help, and people who need help).

    Hugs to you for being there for him.

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