Crumble

She has been my rock and she is crumbling before my very eyes. I can’t stop the process, can’t figure its cause. When she finds the strength, she cries. I watch her clawing for solid ground, wishing to guide her to safety. But her eyes are clenched shut. Her fists will not open. She tries to climb out by digging deeper, and I’m losing her. I’m losing her.

I would kneel down beside her, running my fingers through her curls, swaying slowly with her in my arms as she did for me when I was helpless and scared. I pray to the only heaven I know, asking only for peace and guidance so we may both find our way out of the holes we are digging, and that when we emerge, we are still able to find comfort in each other’s arms.

We will know that we are loved. We will know that we are free. We will know that we are each other’s rock. And for once, we will know that we stand on solid ground, here, together. And that will be enough.

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3 responses to “Crumble

  • Karen

    Ah, though not the particulars, I know that feeling. You describe it very tenderly. You are in my thoughts, Caitlin.

  • fiction dept

    i know this feeling, too. Very well, indeed. And as a result, I experienced panic attacks for the first time in my life. And you know what: all of it is okay. You’ll learn that even as you fly through the air with new wings, you will land on your own two feet… and that you are stronger than you ever possibly imagined… and that crumbling a little bit was a necessary part in learning how to fly.

  • the Caitlinator

    For once, I’m ok. Just wish I knew how to help my friend. I hope she finds her wings again.

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