The Wind in My Hair

Dear Dad,

The days are getting shorter again. The nights are cooler. Summer is dwindling.

Yesterday was my last day at my full-time, steady-paycheck, benefits-providing, paid-vacation job. I’m officially out in the open now. I was panicked at the beginning of the week, but now I feel oddly calm. Things are brewing. I am trusting that money will come when I need it, and that the experience will make me stronger, more well-rounded, and ready to face anything.

And that is truly how I feel. Like I’ve packed my two boxy suitcases and set them down at the start of a long, open road. I’ve always loved the feel of the wind in my hair. I can’t help thinking that some of the wind is you. That comforts me.

Whatever lies ahead of me, today I feel successful. I feel proud. I’ve done it. I’ve seen the unhappiness in my eyes and responded to it, turned it around, made it better. I did it. I’m doing it. I’m making it all happen.

In this moment, I am filled with gratitude I cannot quantify.

Please be with Mom if you can. She needs you now. And I thank you for all you are to me. As fall closes in on me, I feel strength I’ve never felt at this time of year. I know that it is at least in part, you, the wind in my hair.

With love and gratitude,
Your Caitlin


2 responses to “The Wind in My Hair

  • eclectic

    Good on ya, Caitlin.

    I wish I had more — or better — words to offer, but I don’t. My dad’s around me too, more sometimes than others. I know that he is part of me, and maybe that’s what I’m feeling. I just know that losing him is still one of the most painful things in my life. But for that very reason, I know I was lucky to have had him for as long as I did.

    Good luck to you this week, kiddo. If someone like me who’s never met you is feeling proud of you at this moment, you know damn well that he is too.

  • the Caitlinator

    I think that is by far the nicest thing anyone has said to me on this here blog. Thank you, thank you. Now I HAVE to go to TC07 so I can give you a big hug.

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