Lately I’m confronted with the fact that I’ve become That Person who never has time for her friends or family, and it leaves me feeling shallow and empty inside. What kind of person fills their life with obligations that only rarely include the people they love?
Today at a friend’s wedding shower, I noticed myself missing from shared photographs, in part because I never found the time to contribute them, but also in part because I never found the time to be there. So much time had passed since my friends and I had seen each other that we were forced into conversational generalities that left me feeling emotionally left out. Not necessarily by them, but by my own guilt over the fact that I had no idea who I was talking to any more.
When did it stop being easy to be myself around them?
Today I kept looking at this standpipe outside the restaurant, jutting out at an unusual angle. I kept thinking how much it resembled The World’s Most Largest Penis Ever, an observation I would have shared freely at another time but instead kept to myself, a withering reminder of who we once were together and how far and fast we have seemed to drift apart, and that it has probably all been my own doing from the start.