On Risk-Taking.

I had this wildly radical thought on the way home from work this evening, which is that maybe I should sell my piano.

Leading up to this thought had been all the usual thoughts. “What the hell am I doing to myself?” “I am miserable.” “I need a change.” “I wish I could make a living doing art.”

These thoughts led up to more and more crazy thoughts. Next came, “I don’t know if I want to teach art, or if I’m only choosing to teach art because I’m afraid I can’t make a living DOING art.” and “How will I know if I can make a living doing art if I don’t try?” and “Why don’t I try?”

And that led to thoughts about the tiny little desk I have at home to work on and the closet full of art supplies that I can’t access because they’re buried beneath piles of crap that we never use.

And that led to the ultimate thought: “What if I sell the piano?”

I’ll admit it makes my heart race a little to think of it. I love to play the piano. I lose myself in the notes when I play. It’s the best form of meditation, the most consistently doable form of relaxation I have. But I never play any more. I just never get around to it. And it doesn’t bring me the kind of joy that I get from my photography, my drawing, my knitting, and my writing. So what if I sold the piano and used the money to build myself a workspace?

It’s a scary thought, to give up something I love but don’t use to attempt something I think I’ll love if I only gave it a try. And what if I hate it? What if the workspace sits in the corner collecting dust like the piano?

But what if it doesn’t?

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2 responses to “On Risk-Taking.

  • kapgar

    Could you just try the art at, say, a community college art studio first? Sometimes that is best. It might give you a good idea if it’s worth getting rid of the piano you love so much

  • fiction dept

    Sit with that thought for awhile. Pay attention to how your heart raced when you thought about selling it. Selling your piano is a big decision. Consider the future? Owning a piano is not something that everyone can afford to do. And if you have children who may want to take piano lessons, you’ve got the instrument already purchased.

    Regarding the art studio space: are you able to rent a space with a couple other artists? Ask around. There may even be someone willing to give you a space for you to use for free or close to free for the next 6 months while you weigh things up.

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