Today has been one of the best days I’ve had in a very, very long time. Billy’s working tonight, so I’ve spent the day napping, watching football, and painting. I repotted the jade plant in the kitchen and now I’m cooking tuna casserole and listening to music. I realize right now that what has been missing from my life is this: relaxing.
I’ve been trying so hard to make everything work. I’m doing really well at my job, and I can’t have any higher marks at school. I managed to get married at the same time I was working overtime plus babysitting plus keeping up my GPA and staying in shape. But now the edges are starting to crack. I can’t keep doing this.
I need to have the time to use that really great camera I bought six months ago, for something more than the quick snapshots I’ve been taking for my 365 Days project. I need to have time to sleep and watch football if I want to. I need to be able to do laundry without having to wake up before dawn to do it. I need to not schedule fun things in between all the work. I need to stop living off of checklists. Making love to my husband should not be a box I have to check off so I can get to the next thing on the list.
I think I’ve made an important choice this weekend, and I feel good about it. I’m going to give it a few weeks before I announce it to the internet (all 12 of you), but however it works out, I know that something is going to change around here.