I’m definitely back full-swing into this thing people call “Life.” My work calendar is filled up with meetings and lunches and conversations and queries. I’m no longer getting to review copy within a few hours of it being submitted (more like a few days at this point, but that’s ok). And today at a client lunch I said some things I realize I probably shouldn’t have. Things that could be hurtful to someone I do care about if it ever got back to that person. Things that could have political repercussions. It’s done, and there’s no sense in blowing it up any bigger than I already did, but, well, I have this habit of berating myself for even the smallest slip-ups, so it’s been a tough day.
So I had to take an interlude, and I am glad I did. After my crazy work day and before my NAMI support group meeting, I decided to go for a walk outside by the river. I do this quite often in the summer, but almost never in the winter. I am deterred by the cold and the dark. But it was so worth it. It was quiet, because I imagine there are lots of people who let the dark and the cold deter them from the outdoors. And the sun had not quite left the sky completely dark – just enough red and orange left underneath all the purple in the sky – so that it felt like Earth was all around me. It’s not easy to feel the planet around me when I live and work and play in this concrete jungle, so when it happens, I always revel in it. I walked to the river and saw the Statue of Liberty lit up in the sunset, and as I looked up, I saw all the planes coming in for their landings. And among the planes, I saw one light that wasn’t moving. And I realized that the light I saw was actually a star. A star. Do you know how hard it is to see stars in Manhattan? It was beautiful and its solitude above me really made me feel pleased in that moment.
It was only ten minutes out of my day, but those ten minutes gave me the strength to keep going on a day when bed seemed like the only possibility.