Rambling post about how happy I am blah blah blah…

I’m so happy for spring. I know a lot of people despise losing an hour for Daylight Savings Time, but as for me, I’d give up six hours for Daylight Savings if I had to. I like Daylight Savings Time better than Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday of the whole year. It means the days are getting longer and I don’t have to live in the dark any more. Praise Jesus, hallelujah, amen.

I’m attributing my recently and vastly improved strength of spirit to the early onset of spring this year. And maybe the multivitamin I started taking a week and a half ago. And, well, maybe a few other things.

For instance. A week from this past Saturday, I was so happy to see the sun that I decided to go for a hike. I figured the snow would have melted and I would just have to bring a change of clothes so I wouldn’t have to trek around NYC in mud-caked clothes. I was kind of wrong. Apparently you people up north got a BUTTLOAD of snow! Holy crap! A week after the storm, I found myself hiking on top of two feet of snow. You know how I knew I was hiking on top of two feet of snow? Because every time my foot went through the snow, it came up past my knees. I’m just very grateful for the people who packed the snow down ahead of me, because otherwise I would probably still be cold and wet.

Going for that hike was probably when I turned the corner on my recent bout of depression. It felt damn good being out there alone. Even the animals were resting. No leaves, no grass, just me and the snow and the sun. It was really nice. Peaceful. Restful. Even when I got lost and almost fell in the lake.

The following Monday I found myself probably at the lowest point of my depression. I couldn’t think in coherent thoughts. I couldn’t think, period. I found myself staring into space, not sure what I was doing, often enough that I finally gave up on trying to do work. I took the afternoon off work and found myself a park bench in Battery Park City, and sat there for four straight hours, just watching the river. I was an excellent little hobo, and it felt so liberating to have that time to do absolutely nothing. I just rested and thought and slept a little and ate a sandwich and listened to music and allowed myself not to think. That also was a turning point.

And then… something just clicked, I think. I found some mojo that I had thought I’d lost. I’ve managed to get to the gym twice this week, which is a huge record for me, because I actually left the gym feeling more energized than before I went in. That is a switch. I come home perky. Even when I work like a dog and don’t get home until almost 9pm. Life is pretty damn good right now!

I think part of the key is having the motivation to WANT to feel good and take care of myself. It took a lot of soul searching to find it, but I think I’ve found my reasons for doing it, and that has made all the difference. Here’s hoping I can make this last. So far it’s feeling pretty good, I can tell you.


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